This is what 6am looks like

I took this picture a few days ago when I ended up staying up all night.

Recently I’ve been completely exhausted. This is a mix of things really; travelling quite a bit, working longer days, working really hard, seeing a lot of my friends and not really eating properly. It’s definitely taking its toll – I’m achy, grumpy, and every day is getting more of a struggle right now. In my head I want to do much more than I’m doing, but by the end of the day I’m miserable and find it difficult to relax. Today I spent the afternoon working from home, hoping to get a bit more peace and quiet. Instead I was bombarded with emails and problems from all directions, in addition to some essential work which I still haven’t finished. Instead of being exhausted, I’m restless and I feel really sick. I’d call in sick tomorrow but then I’d get even more behind. Hopefully tonight I can fall asleep easily and wake up refreshed.

On the plus side, I have Friday off to go and have another appointment for the laser eye surgery, where they’re probably going to scare me to death with what can go wrong. If I don’t get scared to death, then I’ll be having the operation on Wednesday 21st April, and it should last around 20 mins. After that I have to go back a few times over the next week for check ups, and then, fingers crossed, I’ll have almost perfect vision. I do have a lot of questions to ask though, and they aren’t the typical ‘Will I go blind?’ rubbish either. I want to ask how many operations the surgeon has done, how confident he is about performing the operation on me (since the original person I spoke to was unsure as my eyes are apparently really curvy), and what the chances are that I’ll suffer any of the side effects. It’s all very well offering lifetime care, but if things like halos and poor night vision are considered ‘normal’, then they won’t be doing anything to treat it. I’ll be reading the small print very, very carefully. I’m also concerned about the pain, since apparently some people find it really painful. Considering they put some stuff in my eyes which they said would ‘sting a bit’ that felt to me like someone had just poured liquid chilli in my eyes, I’m not sure that I want to hear the answer anyway.

Reading back over this entry, it sounds really pessimistic. I guess it just reflects my mood and state of mind right now. I’m tempted to curl up in bed with a hot water bottle and a chick flick, or maybe some upbeat music, and then get an early night. I must be getting old….