Today did not go well.
The best things were seeing Joey this morning and seeing my friend Sarah, who I’ve not seen since the first day back.
Things started to go downhill in my morning lecture/seminar/thing, where I started to go really dizzy about halfway through. I have this thing where I go really dizzy and it’s like I’m trying to remember something but I’m not quite sure what, then after a while I snap out of it but I have no control over what I did during that time, and I can only remember it very vaguely. I think I might have mentioned this before at some point. Anyway, it occurred to me that this had happened at the same time, same place last week. So I’m not sure what it is. I think it might be related to my low blood pressure. I did eat a massive bowl of cereal like 2 hours before though, because I knew I wouldn’t get a chance to eat until around half 3 (have lectures 11-3). I did take my gym stuff, but by the time my second lecture ended I just had a massive headache and was not in the mood from the (pointless) wandering around apparently required in this drama module.
Instead I went to get my exam results. The way the system works is that you collect your essays, then go to your tutor who talks you through the results. This time, however, my tutor had to reschedule meetings for Monday, and so we were told to pick up results from the office. Normally I get up, go in, and get my results in the morning. This time I was a bit dizzy, headachy, and incredibly stressed. I’d spent the whole morning working myself up about these results, and I didn’t get debriefed from my tutor. So to be honest, I could’ve got the best results ever and probably still felt like shit.
Instead, I got incredibly upset and went home and just shut myself in my room. Even my results are better than they normally are, and Hannah and Joey are telling me they’re good. I just can’t…comprehend? Deal with it? It just triggered depression really, really badly. Now I’m still in my room, still have a headache, have taken my frustration and upset out on eating junk food, and I’m tired but too stressed to sleep.
I don’t know how I’m going to handle this meeting on Monday. I’m upset because I haven’t been to the gym at all this week. I feel lonely, maybe because I’m surrounded by people I don’t want to be near. And I still feel ridiculously bad about my results.
When I was eleven, my teacher wrote on my report that I got frustrated when people didn’t meet my high expectations. Now I’m 21, I’m no longer meeting my own expectations. I feel like a failure.
*waves* Hi, I'm 
*hugs*
I’m speechless. I hope you feel better soon. *hugs* You shouldn’t have high expectations because you’ll always end up feeling horrible, like you’ll never meet your expectations and that you’re a failure. *hugs*
I hope you feel better soon. Sounds like you should be proud of your exam results.
I know how you feel…I am incredibly hard on myself and sometimes I will freak out and cry over really stupid mistakes I make. I don’t know how to get over it right now. I hope you feel better soon.
Ahw that really sucks. You’re asking too much of yourself right now! Don’t set your expectations too high, that way you’ll be let down a lot less. It really helps and I know that because I’ve experienced it myself.
Good luck, hun!
Uhmmmm…..grow up.
Aw *hugs*.
I hope you feel better, have you been to the doctors? Being ill isn’t going to help you emotionally, especially with exams results.
By the sounds of it you should be proud of your results, if they’re better than normal then you should be happy about it. Try not to be too hard on yourself. As long as you gave it your best you can’t ask much more of yourself.
Take care Jenni
.
Wow I think it is low blood pressure..do you ever feel very fatigue? Because you can be anemic..you can also feel like you’re going to faint. I hope I’m not scaring you..see the doctor :/ get some iron in your system you probably don’t have enough of that..are you stressing out..eating enough?
Aww you’ll be okay – you should really take some time to yourself, perhaps you’re overworking yourself. It’s a big reason for feeling depressed when there isn’t really anything to be upset about – just overtired. At least your grades were better than normal though, that’s fantastic news right?
And junk food can cure anything
Awww hun *hugs* I hope your feeling better soon, it probably for the best that your not going to the gym while your feeling dizzy/headachey.
Hi. I used to have such experience of dizziness during one of my lectures. It’s awful and to add on, the lecture theatre was freezing at that time. Try taking some sweets while you are feeling dizzy. It may help.
P.S. Are you interested to be affiliates?
You don’t need to have high standards, nobody’s gonna live up to them. And you don’t have to do that either. You’l be fine just being you and doing what you like best.
Feel better soon!
X0X
srry for the crappy day
Aw, Jenni! Feel better!
You’re not a failure! If it helps, you were my role model when I was in grade 6!