Thanks everyone for the film suggestions…I will be checking them out and taking a list with me next time I go to town.

John -

I can never type the word ‘knowledge’ right first time.
I want to know what you end up typing at first, personally.

That would be ‘knolwedge’. Exciting.

I’m allergic to suede.
Just suede? Not regular leather?

Just suede, I’m fine with leather. Weird.

Anyway.

I’m a bit all over the place at the moment, for various reasons. A certain person whose name begins with J seems hell-bent on devising ways to piss me off. Jenni who is sleeping properly and eating properly can deal with it; Jenni who has had the stresses of being ill, turning 21, dealing with Christmas, exams, essays, a part-time job, new uni modules and various other people on top of lack of sleep and far too much chocolate, cannot.

I want to note here that it’s late, I’m tired, I’m rambling. My grammar and sentence length will suck.

My modules are not really what I expected. My Language Development one – which imo should be called ‘Language Acquisition and Development’ to be less misleading – is good, but the lecturer is not the most prepared person in the world. Also, I’ve been doing a lot of background reading on the main topics, which ended up hitting me when I started to get annoyed by certain condescending comments and badly phrased explanations. Yes, I’m a pedant. However, when she asks people to vote on a question whether they think ‘Yes’ or ‘No’, and I know for a fact that the answer is ‘Partly’, then I’m not going to raise my hand to either option. And of course she looks directly at me and makes some comment about how not everyone voted.

Also, my lovely tutor who claimed her drama module had no practical element to it was not telling the truth *sighs* Yes, we don’t get assessed on anything practical, but I’m not keen on spontaneously acting a melodramatic part involving fainting/jumping out of a window after a 2 hour lecture on language acquisition in front of 23 people of whom I know very few. The presentation we have to do will be bad enough.

On the plus side, I tried on the dress that I bought not so long ago with the intention of losing some more weight before wearing it to the party on the 16th. When I tried it on in the changing rooms I wasn’t sure about it. Now I really, really like it – but on the negative side, the other dresses I own now look crap. It’s probably the shortest dress I’ve ever worn; Joey said it looked like a top, but as I’m so short it’s actually knee length (in parts). It’s quite tight but I don’t feel fat in it.

Which is another point – I’ve been eating so much crap lately and my skin is really bad as a result. I’ve also eaten a 500ml tub of low fat frozen dessert in just 2 days, and I’ve been skipping meals to hide out in my room. I hate confrontation at the moment, and I want to be with one particular person who doesn’t have time for me right now. I’m not being critical, and God knows people have to have time away from me to stop them killing themselves, but I feel kind of vulnerable at the moment. I’ve been analysing myself quite a bit (actually, quite a lot considering how much I analyse things compared to the majority of other people), and I’ve come up with a couple of interesting theories about my mental health. My physical health remains a mystery however, as despite all this crap I’m still alternating between maintaining weight and losing it.

So yeah, I’m up and down quite a lot right now. The littlest thing can completely change my mood, if I didn’t know better I’d say I was verging on very very mild bipolar. I’d like to say it’s girly hormones, but it’s not. At the moment it seems to be based on an incredible paradox of wanting to talk to people but wanting to stay away from them, and then feeling rejected when they stay away from me. Yeah…it’s weird. I think it might be more based on the fact that I’ve not really been communicating recently (i.e. in the past 2 days) with many people I want to talk to right now (Rich, Vitushni, Sarah etc. etc. aside of course). Whereas the people I don’t want to talk to I can’t avoid. I could do with going home really, but I’m going soon anyway for the party and it’s a lot of hassle to go and come back and then go and come back again…plus I need to do work.

I need sleep.

Related posts:

1. New Year’s Eve
2. Relapse
3. Once upon a time…
4. MSN Conversation with Tom
5. Manchester Rag Raid

Jenni posted in Home, Offline, Rants, Stupid People, University, friends |