Once upon a time…

Everything was simple. Or if not simple, at least straight forward.

Now I’m just highly confused. I’m in a weird place right now.

One of my friends was severely triggering my depression so I just had to let go. It’s bad because he was one of my best friends and at one point I owed him my life, but…he was just making me feel too bad about myself. Last year I would’ve carried on trying to (unsuccessfully) deal with it, or at my stronger times just completely laughed it off. It scares me now that I’m so easily able to push someone out of my life like that, and I’m still not sure I’ve made the right decision. But I doubt there’s any going back – he’s deleted and blocked me on facebook.

In other aspects of my life, there has been a lot of drama and issues. My cousin got mugged in Belgium and is apparently probably coming to England to stay with my parents and sister for a bit (he lives in Australia). My mum is kind of upset because one of our relatives screwed us (more her really) over completely with regards to hospitality/money/etc.

And as usual I’m acting as advice person for my friends, with their relationships. Also, I have a lot of new stuff going on as I’ve become active in a uni society full of great people, and at the moment I’m actually going out quite a few nights a week. Jenni has a life (ish) – oh my God. Kicked me in the ass this weekend though as I ended up drinking hot chocolate with a couple of them (after we’d been to a bar, a pub, a takeaway and someone’s house) until 4 am – I got about 5 hours’ sleep. Then last night I ended up staying up quite late trying to read a novel for 9 am today (I managed to read 20 chapters of The Voyage Out in about 4 hours, which is not bad going). Tonight I was at Richard and Tabi’s with the girls (and one guy, and then Rich’s ex-housemates ended up coming over) and so I’m lying in bed typing this completely exhausted. I have to get up early tomorrow to do some reading for my 2 hour (!) cognitive poetics seminar as well, grr. Then Wednesday I’m at work in the morning, possibly all day though I will try to fit the gym in. Don’t know if it will happen though because I’m always exhausted when I leave work, and I have reading to do for Thursday. Then Thursday night I’m out doing society stuff…sigh. I napped today but it didn’t really help. I’m just going to have to organise my time really really well. Especially as I generally haven’t had time to cook/buy proper meals, so I’ve been living off fruit and unhealthy snacks. It’s bad because bad eating and not enough sleep = very depressed Jenni. So I should really pay more attention to eating properly.

I can’t face starshine right now. I really can’t. I feel so bad breaking my promise of updating but it’s just difficult for me in a number of ways right now. Also, you may have noticed I haven’t returned comments on the past few entries. I’m just so busy and or tired, and it’s not my favourite job in the world so it’s easy to put to the bottom of the queue. I’m sorry for being so crap.