The End for Starshine?

Starshine.la is, as many have pointed out, kind of dead now. It’s come a long way since it was first created by me and Lindy several years ago (when it was ‘Starstruck’). I’ve spoken to a lot of amazing people there, and I’m sure there are lots of people who had fun, got advice, and made some friendships there (online or otherwise) that will last the distance.

There are still some people posting there and some people who intend to stick with it, but I have no way of getting new people to join. Word of mouth is no longer reliable as people leave, and my hits for this website are way down (200 visitors a day down from 1500). Why do they leave? Most have other things to do, they grow up, move on. Others come back from time to time and complain that the board is slowly dying. Some blame me, because I don’t update enough.

Yep, I have something resembling a life now. I’m happy. I’m finishing university less than a year from now. I have two jobs. I have far more friends than I did when I was fourteen and hated everything about myself except my motivation and what little natural intelligence I possess. I don’t need to escape for such long periods of time anymore, and if I feel the need to get away I read a book (or, in more extreme circumstances, travel somewhere). I’m comfortable with who I am and whilst I see room for improvement (as I’m sure everyone else around me does too!), I feel that it’s within my grasp. Only a few months ago, I doubted who I was and where I was going. But now I feel confident to be able to move on, and continue this journey that I’ve started. I’m not as insecure as I used to be, and I have my wonderful friends and people around me to thank for that. The internet has become a place for me to keep in touch with them, and less optionally, a place to work. I’ve learned a lot of valuable skills and spoken to thousands of people, and my life just wouldn’t have been the same without all that.

But I’m just not the same person. If I sit down to make a layout, it will be based on a photo (usually one I’ve taken or one where copyright issues aren’t a problem). I don’t want to sit in front of Paint Shop Pro all evening and all night. I don’t want to listen to whines and complaints that I’m not doing this, or I should be doing that. I want to create art for art’s sake, and enjoy other people’s talents. I don’t want to be part of a massive popularity contest of comments and hits and members, and it’s not because I feel like I’m ‘losing’, or because I feel a sense of guilt when I don’t do something I know I should have.

It’s simply that it’s no longer fun for me. I have to force myself to sit down and update. I get dizzy fairly quickly sitting in front of a screen due to low blood pressure - whether that’s part of growing up or my body finally reacting to all the hours of abuse sitting in front of one, I don’t know.

I don’t care.

Sometimes I just want to be free.

These members going to other message boards with the same people there – so I don’t feel as guilty. Maybe SS will survive, I don’t know. There have been several times when it looked like the end and yet it pulled through. Many rivals were set up and failed to last the distance, maybe for similar reasons as to what I’m facing now, I don’t know. I’m just not a quitter, I find it difficult to let go. But over the past few months I’ve learned to let go, and move on, and it’s had a positive effect throughout my life and the people around me. I have taught myself to care in the right places, and if anything this detox has cleared my head enough to realise whose comments I should consider important, and who is trying yet again to bring me down.

There’s no more bringing me down. I’ve hit rock bottom, and I’m on the way back up. And maybe that will be true for Starshine as well.